‘Sweet Caramel’

She lays dormant inside of me,

sickness

and chest cold

and acid lining my throat,

and why can’t I kill this?

at 3:30pm,

on a neon sunshine day,

I notched a pill into my shotgun stomach

and laid amongst cotton,

cloth and the smell of your sleep,

begged for a way out

of a body that writhes

and stills,

and looks for ways to hurt.

your tongue is succour,

but the wind awaits your eyes

and I cannot join you there.

and my corpse lays,

in a pool of dismal mood,

shaking in putrid hatred

and my head won’t stop fucking burning,

and She is with me,

and god, I hate her

but god, I do not know her

and I’ve prayed for any succinct peace

but god, She poisons my spirit

and dances with my dreams

She engulfs my core in flame,

and swallows my soul whole.

I am bitter,

and I am so fucking sick

but I cannot let her go.

I’ve never learned how.

03/22/19

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