She lays dormant inside of me,
sickness
and chest cold
and acid lining my throat,
and why can’t I kill this?
•
at 3:30pm,
on a neon sunshine day,
I notched a pill into my shotgun stomach
and laid amongst cotton,
cloth and the smell of your sleep,
begged for a way out
of a body that writhes
and stills,
and looks for ways to hurt.
•
your tongue is succour,
but the wind awaits your eyes
and I cannot join you there.
•
and my corpse lays,
in a pool of dismal mood,
shaking in putrid hatred
and my head won’t stop fucking burning,
and She is with me,
and god, I hate her
but god, I do not know her
and I’ve prayed for any succinct peace
but god, She poisons my spirit
and dances with my dreams
She engulfs my core in flame,
and swallows my soul whole.
•
I am bitter,
and I am so fucking sick
but I cannot let her go.
I’ve never learned how.
•
03/22/19
