‘Tri-city’

there is stinging loneliness,

inside replacement

stomach acid and burning cheeks

amongst who I could never be

and broken bones, split skin

within the idea that I was

never

enough

•

there is betrayal in it,

in pain,

in oaths,

and in solitude

•

why didn’t you fucking try?

•

Is there a difference

between blood you cough up

when you have consumed all the poison you can,

and

when it cascades down your body,

pools at your feet,

and lays limp against twitching toes?

•

would you even notice?

•

I have not heard any of your voices in months

the pulse running in my ears is loud,

louder than you were

when I begged for connection

•

I am so fucking sorry

that I pursued myself

•

but there is loneliness

in the dregs of cigarette smoke,

hollow faith in the smell of new growth

and fireworks in my core

•

I am sorry you’ll never know me

•

yet

•

I hope you burn

•

04/18/19